Let me start by introducing myself: I have been an NSP patroller for 42 years. I have patrolled at three different ski areas, one small and two larger ones, all in the New England area. I was also an EMT with the local fire department for 35 years and am still an OEC instructor.
I have been to many first aid scenes, including doing CPR on a 17-year-old on the side of a ski trail. In years past, I have felt confident about my skills; however, I am just too stressed about first aid to want to continue patrolling. Here is what it is in my head when I am patrolling now:
“Injured adult reported on Tom’s Thumb, possibly halfway down the trail.” The report comes in via the area radio, and I instantly jump up as it is my turn to take the call. My stomach turns into jelly as I grab my patrol jacket and fanny pack to head out. My head is going around and around, ‘Where is that exactly?’, ‘Why is my stomach in a knot?’, ‘What if I miss it?’, ‘What if I screw up?’’?
I see my skis but have trouble getting into them; ‘Why can’t I just snap into them?’ ‘Will I need my poles?’ ‘No, faster without them, but they help me balance!’ ‘Maybe I should have taken a tobo.’ ‘No, I can radio back up if there really is someone injured.’
‘I realize this might be the most direct route, but I haven’t skied it today, and I don’t feel comfortable with the conditions. I should have skied it earlier. ”Big mistake! ’, ‘what if I fall,’ ‘just lost an edge, damn,’ ‘why do I do this?’ ‘I don’t want to see an injured person. What if I don’t know the correct way to handle the injuries? What if they are unconscious?’
‘My legs feel like jelly,’ ‘I am really nervous,’ ‘What am I going to find?’ I am really uncomfortable making decisions about what I find for injuries. “I should have taken a run 10 minutes ago; then I wouldn’t have been at the top.’
‘Why do I continue to do this?’ ‘My stomach is in knots; I shouldn’t have eaten lunch.’ ‘What if I throw up?’ ‘That would be terrible; there is so much stress wearing the white cross.’
All of those thoughts are typical of what goes through my head on the way to a scene or even while waiting for a call at the top. So much stress! I just don’t enjoy this part of patrolling anymore. What to do about it?
Can it be considered ‘burnout’? How to handle letting others know I just don’t want to do this part of it anymore. I still feel as if I have a lot to give to patrolling; I just don’t want to be that stressed out anymore. It takes all the joy out of patrolling, but I really love the group of patrollers I work with. What to do about it?
I want to believe there is a place for all who desire to continue to serve others as we progress through ski patrol. We just need to feel safe to express our concerns, and we need to have good listeners with creative solutions.
It’s okay to not feel normal when things are changing inside us. It’s not okay to feel alone and unsupported.
For more information about how to deal with stress, visit: https://www.nspeast.org/stress-awareness-resources.html
